The Easter Bunny Scares Me

When you were little, did you freak out every time your mom wanted to take you to the mall to get your picture taken with the Easter Bunny or Santa? Did your mom even want to take you? Or am I the only one? I'm certain I am not, as there was always at least an hour wait on that dreaded line. Well, in any case, I used to get so upset at the thought of the dreaded Christmas-time/Easter-time picture. I have the pics to prove it!

My mother used to convince me to get my picture taken with the promise of getting to ride the train afterwards. I didn't like it, but I wanted to ride the train, even though it only traveled in an oval about ten times. So I would reluctantly agree. I can remember one picture-taking instance when I was about three years old. I was terrified and my brother was a newborn. So, of course, I decided that it would be best to stand off to the side of Santa, whilst he tried to calm my screaming brother and smile. My face is priceless because it's the kind of "OK, I'm victorious - I don't have to sit on Santa's lap - but I'm still kind of scared" smile. What a little sneak!!

Well, last night, I was with two friends at the mall. We were sitting in Starbucks, slowly sipping on some coffee fraps, when they spotted the Easter Bunny. The comment was something like "OMG! That bunny is kind of creepy!" And I'm thinking to myself, "What are you talking about??" not remembering that Easter is less than two weeks away. So I looked over and saw him. He was standing with his back to me about 300 feet away, but I just got so creeped out. I can't help it!

There is something extremely unnatural about a giant bunny to me. He doesn't actually exist. Why is a human dressed as an animal? I'm creeped out by all these people. And I think to myself that it has to be a horrible job to have to dress up like one of them. It's hot in there and you've got screaming children jumping all over you or running away from you. Do you really think they can clean that giant head? I think not. That's just unsanitary.

But in any case, I have a very big problem with humans dressed as giant animals. Forget about the Disney characters or that large-and-in-charge purple dinosaur I used to watch with the kids I baby-sat back in the day. It's very scary. I don't know why I'm so scarred by this, but I guess it's kind of like a clown (I have a problem with those as well). Though I realize I'm totally rejecting fantasy, just think about it. Do you want a giant mouse with a fake smile painted across its head to come near you? I do not. It's just not cool.